Three to Tango
Posted by kennethmartinez1974 on February 6, 2010
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IMDB rating: 5.80 Plot: A rich businessman, Dylan McDermott, mistakenly believes that Matthew Perry, who is bidding on a $90 million restoration contract, is gay and asks him to keep tabs on his mistress, Neve Campbell. Perry, who is not gay, falls for Neve in a big way but she thinks he’s gay. |
i find Three to Tango here and download version for PDA
Actors: Perry Matthew,McDermott Dylan,Platt Oliver,Cozart Cylk,McGinley John C.,Balaban Bob,Gomez Rick,Van Horn Patrick,Ramsey David,Staines Kent,Chow Ho,Proudfoot Michael,Comedy,Romance,
Was I fair in how I resolved this messy situation between me, my good male friend, and his wife?
[Hi, I asked this a month or 2 ago but would value some new answers as I am still feeling bad.]
I’ve been friends with a guy for almost 20 years; never any funny business. I don’t even fancy him, and he has never been single even when we were at college, and were relatively young.
We stayed in touch during our 20s. He had lots of girlfriends, and I dated too. We are mid-30s now.
He always made it clear he would love a threesome one day, and I always said "that’s nice dear, good luck" (I never wanted to join in).
He got married in 2005, and despite how close we are, he never even TOLD me, much less invited me. I found out in 2006 when I got a group text from him saying that his "new baby" was ill, (later died) and "please pray for me and my wife". Amidst supporting him, I had to ask "WHAT wife?!" He did go off the radar for a few months so this must have been when he got married, and we don’t have daily contact.
He never really said why he failed to tell me he got married but I believe he was terrified I would tell her all about his seedier days from college - I had NO intention of telling her, even though I was puzzled as to why she would care what he did BEFORE getting married.
Fast forward to 2009 and he finally "deemed" me "fit" to meet his wife, 4 years after the wedding! I was confused as to why now?
It turned out that he wanted to have a threesome with us, so had set up this meeting with me and her….I took one look at her, had one chat with her, and I KNEW she was not over the baby’s death at ALL. It seemed the poor woman was pilled up but never had counselling, or any friends.
ALL my friend could go on about was "how HOT is my wife? Do you agree she’s hot? So when are we going THREE WAY?? LOL"
I was like "Umm….she’s DEPRESSED. BADLY." He refused to listen, and instead continued his campaign to get us both to agree to a threesome.
She then told me she had "fallen in love" with me, following evenings and coffees out. I was horrifed and stunned, and told him. Again, he laughed it off, telling me to "just look forward" to "sucking" his you know what.
I was disgusted. It all came to a head 2 months ago when I was too busy to see her one week, and SHE THREATENED SUICIDE. She told me if she died, I am to blame, for "abandoning her" and that she was making herself throw up, over her "distress and despair" over me.
I begged my friend to help her. His response? "YOU UPSET MY WIFE BY NOT TEXTING HER FOR THREE DAYS".
Needless to say, I was shocked and horrified and talked to him for days and days, begging him to get her some help. He continued TO BLAME ME. "If only you texted her back….you’re to blame" etc. He said "Nup. I can’t accept she’s to blame..it takes 2 to tango". This made me LIVID. Not that I showed it.
I tried yet again recently to talk to him and I told him "Look - she was texting me unsettling things BEFORE I so-called ’stopped texting her’, this is a huge issue". Conveniently, he ignored that, and went on and on about "you were too busy for her, why did you stop texting for 3 days?"
I repeated that 1) she had gotten crazy BEFORE I got too busy to text her that week, and 2) I had some very deeply unsettling personal issues of my own - not that he cared! (my good friend was arrested)
After trying and trying to get him to help her, as well as seeing it from my viewpoint, and he refused, and just said "Sarah - just accept you’re to blame, please", I texted him and told him that, after 20 years, I no longer wish to continue the friendship. I can’t believe he would blame me for her mental situation.
OH AND BTW - when I finally confronted him on the wedding and why I was not told, he said "we eloped - no one knew" - WHAT THE IDIOT DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT HIS WIFE SHOWED ME THE WEDDING PICS, AND EVERYONE WAS THERE. But I did not mention this as did not wish to humiliate him.
Did I do the right thing?
Nope, this is indeed the full story, although obviously condensed. I feel bad as I feel like I have somehow thrown away the friendship, but I simply could not accept his blaming me.
Yes you did. They both are some loonies and you don’t need that stress in your life. He had no reason to lie about the wedding. It just sounds like he didn’t want to be your friend, but only your sex buddy.
If she commits suicide, then it isn’t your fault. It’s his for not intervening like a husband should. I can’t even call him a husband.
You did good to end the relationship. Don’t ever talk to him or her again. That is a negative relationship that will only bring negativity to your life. Misery loves company.
~Boo Thang~ | Jan 01, 2010
I think you did the ONLY thing you could do. Carry on with your life. This "friend" isn’t worth it.
sheloves_dablues | Jan 01, 2010
I can’t figure out what you would still be feeling bad about. He sounds borderline dangerous and she sounds like a total nutcase. Unless you left something out, I’d say you’ve already wasted way too much emotional energy on this.
Messykatt | Jan 01, 2010
I think you did the best that you could in that situation. I don’t know what else to say about it. Your friend’s behavior was very disturbing in not just blaming you but in not seeing how unwell his wife had become. Maybe he was having problems coping with his wife’s depression and needed someone to blame or help and that’s where you came in. That wasn’t a fair situation to be put in, so I can’t even say if any particular action would have been "right."
ladybug_jane22 | Jan 01, 2010
Friends are a dime a dozen…toss these crazy ones and move on. You did the right thing.
Holly Jolly | Jan 01, 2010
